First things first: ain’t nothing wrong with jealousy.
If you find yourself feeling jealous of the way the stepkids interact with your spouse/ their bio-parent, don’t worry, you’re normal.
Jealousy is a normal part of any human relationship.
Jealousy is an emotion, and an emotion like jealousy is caused by our thoughts.
Most of us were taught that someone does or says something that makes us feel jealous.
But the truth is that it actually happens like this:
✅Someone says or does something
✅We have a thought about it and the thought makes us feel jealous
So for example, let’s say my spouse and I are taking his kids to the movies. I really wanted to sit next to my spouse, but the kids surround him and I’m stuck on the outside.
In that moment, I could tell myself something like this: They always get to sit next to him and I never do. And I would feel jealous as a result.
Or, I could instead choose to believe:
✅They love him so much and don’t get to see as much – of course they want to sit with him.
✅I’m a little bummed but I know my spouse loves me
✅This isn’t what I wanted but it’s OK.
So, in this scenario, it’s NOT their actions – it’s my beliefs ABOUT their actions that determine my feelings.
Next time you find yourself feeling jealous ask yourself this simple question: why?
And then decide if you like your reasons, or your thoughts, for feeling jealous.
There’s no right or wrong answer.
Just know it’s a choice, and you can decide to focus on something that makes you feel better.
This is the only thing that’s truly in your control.