How to solve any problem with your stepkids

I know how to get to the bottom of any problem you’re having with your stepkids. 

It’s simple. 

First things first: We are in charge of what we think and feel – 100% of the time. 

As adult humans we can watch our thoughts and redirect them. 

But, the trick is actually understanding what we think.

And in order to do that, we have to ask ourselves “why” until we uncover the actual reason we’re so upset in the first place. 

Let’s do an example together – 

A client of mine told me the other day:

“My stepson is a brat because he doesn’t eat what I make my family for dinner.” 

So I can ask: Why is this a problem? 

“Then I have to make him something different, and I don’t want to.” 

Then, I’ll ask: Why don’t you want to? 

“Because he doesn’t love me.”

Then, I’ll ask: Why is this a problem? 

“Because I feel like I’m not worthy of his love.”

Then: Why aren’t you worthy of his love? 

“Because I’m not a good stepmom.”

BAM – So really, the actual problem here is that my client believes she’s not a good stepmom – it really has nothing to do with whether her stepson eats the food she made for the family or not. 

And this thought – “I’m not a good stepmom” –  can be changed:

We just get to decide to believe that we’re good stepmoms, no matter what. 

That we’re always worthy of love, regardless of what our stepkids say or do.