What Matters the Most

I know some of us really wish our stepkids and potentially the other bio-parent weren’t around – and hey I get that.

(And stepmom confession: I used to feel this way too! No big deal – we’re humans.)

But, my dear friend: those folks are here to say. 

And if that’s the case, what do we really want?

At the end of the day, this is what we truly desire:

• To love and be loved. 

• To feel peaceful and grounded, regardless of what life throws at us in our stepfamilies.

• To feel like an important member of the family.

• To have a strong, intimate marriage that lasts. 

The good news is that we can create all of these things for ourselves, at any given time, no matter our situation. 

I know you might be like…


What? That doesn’t make any sense. Have you met my stepkids/ the other bio-parent? 

Stick with me. 

Let’s take the example of feeling peaceful, no matter what crazy sh*t gets thrown at us.

See, if we felt peaceful, we wouldn’t be anxious, overwhelmed or resentful.

We’d enjoy our time with our stepfamilies more. 

We’d have more time to build intimacy and connection with our partners – because we definitely wouldn’t be arguing so much with said partners about said stepkids and/or other bio-parent. 

So how do we feel peaceful, no matter what? 

See, our thoughts create our emotions. Every time, 100% of the time. And, peace (an emotion) comes by redirecting our thoughts to something that makes us feel peaceful no matter what:  

• This is hard right now, and I can do hard things. 

• I married someone with kids and I love this person dearly. 

• I am 100% worthy of love and respect, no matter what others say or do. 

• I am always enough. 

That’s it my friends – that’s all you really need to feel at peace – and I invite you to think about things that make you feel peaceful. You can steal mine, or come with your own.  

And the next time you notice yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed, take a deep breath and remind yourself that peace is available to you at any time.