If She Can…You Can Too

My latest client came to me because she wanted a better relationship with her stepkids. 

 

And she wanted to stop arguing so much with her spouse about said stepkids. 

 

Conventional wisdom teaches that in order to feel better in our relationships, other people have to change first – the stepkids need to listen, the spouse should be less permissive.

 

What I teach is anything but conventional – but it’s 100% more effective. 

 

So instead of talking about ways to change her family, we focused on her – and we visited her future self. 

 

I asked her to imagine a future where she had the relationships she wanted with her stepkids, and she no longer argued with her spouse about them. 

 

I asked her to imagine how she would feel and what she would be thinking if she already had what she wanted 

 

And this is what she came up with: 

 

• “This is my family”…which made her feel connected

• “I love them”…which made her feel love

• “My husband loves his kids so much”….which made her feel gratitude for marrying someone like that. 

 

And then I asked her to practice becoming this woman – by reviewing these beliefs everyday and showing up with love, gratitude and connection around her spouse and stepkids.  

 

After a couple of weeks, she came back and told me: 

 

“You know, this is really working. Now, after the kids come over I find myself thinking: It was so fun having the kids here tonight! This is my family. I enjoy having them here.” 

 

But guess what? 

 

It’s not that everyone around her magically transformed – she made the change first.

 

And then her family reacted differently to the more connected, loving, and grateful woman in their lives. 

 

She created a virtuous dynamic – 

 

And you can too, if you want.