Why we resent our partners (and what to do about it)

Woman with a scowl

So many of us resent our partners (P.S. If this is you, you’re normal). 

 

We think it’s because of the way they parent – How could you NOT punish her for what she did? 

 

Or what they expect from us as stepmoms – You want me to do what? I’m not their mom!. 

 

But the real source of our resentment? 

 

It’s simply because they our spouses are behaving differently than we expect them too. 

  
  
And the problem is that no matter what, humans always disappoint, especially spouses. No person is ever capable of meeting our expectations 100%. Just like we aren’t ever capable of doing that for someone else. 
 

So the key to overcoming resentment? 

 

It’s compassion. 

 

Having compassion doesn’t mean we approve of the behavior.

But rather, having compassion means we recognize that our spouse is probably trying his or her best in this very moment. 


(And let’s be real: Bless their souls. They probably ARE trying their best no matter how misguided).  
 

And see, when we’re feeling compassionate, we have a different type of conversation. A safer, more loving conversation about what we want to change. 

 

And we create more intimacy because we show our partner how much we truly care.  

 

Choosing compassion over resentment is just a decision we make.

 

And we can just decide today that’s what we’re doing


We can just decide to exercise more compassion, and less resentment. And then reap the benefits of that decision in our marriage. 
 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

Why we hide

Woman with glasses and hat

All stepmoms do it. 

 

Hiding out. Avoiding. Counting down the hours until the stepkids go off to the other parent’s house.

 

And it’s most likely because we’re thinking something like this: 

 

I just don’t want my stepkids here. 

 

(P.S. If you have thought this, you’re not a monster. you’re just a human!) 

 

And there’s nothing wrong with thinking this way –

 

Except that it creates the exact opposite of what we want.

 

What we really want to feel is love and connection with our stepkids, but instead we’re hiding and pulling further away from them. 

 

The solution? 

 

Choose love for them first.  

 

Choose love even when he whines, or talks back. 

 

Choose love even when she slams a door in your face, or doesn’t take out the trash like you asked.

 

Why? 

 

Because choosing love feels better. 

 

And when we’re feeling better, we won’t want to avoid our stepkids anymore. 

 

We’ll start to cultivate the close and intimate relationships we desire. 

 

And we’ll likely have a lot more fun. 

 

It doesn’t have to be hard. 

 

It’s just a daily decision to love. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

I stand with you

Black lives matter protesters

Here’s what I know:

 

Our country is hurting right now.

 

People of color are hurting, and being killed.

 

And here’s what I want you to know:

 

I stand with all of the men, women, and children of color.

 

I believe we as a country can and must do better.

 

And I’m going to show up and do my part.

 

I need to listen, learn, and love.

 

And be part of the solution. 

 

Because you matter. 

 

You lives matter. 

 

And enough is enough.