Why we resent our partners (and what to do about it)

So many of us resent our partners (P.S. If this is you, you’re normal). 

We think it’s because of the way they parent – How could you NOT punish her for what she did? 

Or what they expect from us as stepmoms – You want me to do what? I’m not their mom!. 

But the real source of our resentment? 

It’s simply because they our spouses are behaving differently than we expect them too. 

  
  
And the problem is that no matter what, humans always disappoint, especially spouses. No person is ever capable of meeting our expectations 100%. Just like we aren’t ever capable of doing that for someone else. 
 

So the key to overcoming resentment? 

It’s compassion. 

Having compassion doesn’t mean we approve of the behavior.

But rather, having compassion means we recognize that our spouse is probably trying his or her best in this very moment. 

(And let’s be real: Bless their souls. They probably ARE trying their best no matter how misguided).  
 

And see, when we’re feeling compassionate, we have a different type of conversation. A safer, more loving conversation about what we want to change. 

And we create more intimacy because we show our partner how much we truly care.  

Choosing compassion over resentment is just a decision we make.

And we can just decide today that’s what we’re doing. 


We can just decide to exercise more compassion, and less resentment. And then reap the benefits of that decision in our marriage.