Got bio mom drama? Try THIS for instant relief

Woman smiling

Got drama with the other bio parent? You’re not alone…so many of us experience it. 

 

But so many of us don’t know how to deal. 

 

And I teach my clients a really simple way of managing it. You ready? 

 

Let me introduce you to Tracy. 

 

Tracy has two stepkids and a husband, Mike. 

 

Mike’s ex-wife, Katrina, constantly calls him and texts him. 

 

And this makes Tracy’s blood boil. She thinks Katrina isn’t respecting her relationship with Mike and that she’s trying to control him. 

 

She wants Mike to stand up to Katrina – to lay his foot down and make her stop. 

 

So she argues with Mike about Katrina…all the time. 

 

But here’s what I told Tracy the other day: 

 

No matter what Mike does, his ex will probably never stop. No one can control another adult human being. Katrina will probably keep being Katrina. 

 

But what Tracy can control is whether she makes the ex’s behavior a problem for her marriage. 

 

She can just decide that Katrina’s actions don’t mean anything about her relationship with Mike. 

 

And in fact, the way Katrina behaves has everything to do with her own insecurities, and nothing to do with Tracy and Mike. (Because let’s be real: if someone is calling and texting all the time, they are really insecure). 

 

So Tracy doesn’t have to keep arguing with Mike to make Katrina stop. Because Mike can’t do that. 

 

But Tracy can decide Katrina is simply insecure, and her behavior isn’t a problem for her relationship. And then she can just focus on enjoying her time more with Mike, rather than arguing with him so much. 

 

And when she does that, when she drops the arguments, she’ll get to experience a stronger, more connected marriage AND way less drama. 

 

And what I told Tracy to do is available to all of us: 


We can all decide to let go of the idea that we (or our spouses) can change the other bio parent.


We can all decide that the other bio parent’s behavior has nothing to do with us – no matter the behavior. 



And that is how we can experience instant relief (and ultimately a stronger marriage). And it’s available to all of us right here. Right now. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

I’m inspired

Woman on couch

I’ve been thinking about you. 

 

And here’s what I want you to know:

 

YOU inspire me.  

 

Because you agreed to help raise someone else’s kids. For love.

 

You are a dreamer – you had a vision for a beautiful life with another person, and the stepkids.

 

You are a risk-taker – you never imagined being a stepmom. You may have married your man or woman against the advice of friends, family, and society.

 

You might not see yourself this way, but I do.

 

So my best advice to you is: don’t give up hope just yet. I believe in you, and the deepest desires you have for your stepfamily relationships.

 

You ARE strong enough to overcome whatever is going on right now in your stepfamily.

 

You ARE capable of figuring it all out.

 

 

You are a lover. A risk-taker. A dreamer.

 

And you inspire me. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

What the Stepfamily Experts Didn’t Tell You

Couple touching

I see so many stepmoms like you suffering in their marriages. 

 

And the main reason? 

 

Because their spouse is too permissive. Because he or she lets the kids get away with too much. 

 

And listen, I know it’s hard. And I know what all the parenting experts say about how to parent. 

 

But I also know something all the stepfamily parenting experts haven’t considered. Knowing the SOLUTION to the problem doesn’t actually solve the problem. Because most of us know the ‘right’ and ‘most effective’ ways to parent, but have trouble implementing those strategies in a unified way. 

 

And so to actually solve this problem, we have to get to the root cause of the issue. Here’s the root: 

 

We THINK that our partners don’t respect us when it comes to our parenting preferences. Because they haven’t changed. No matter how many times we’ve tried or asked them to change. And because we BELIEVE this, we continue to argue with them. We think that in order to feel respected, our  partners have to change. 

 

But here is the truth: Our partner’s parenting style actually has nothing to do with us and it has everything to do with how they are FEELING about the divorce. 

 

And they are most likely feeling a lot of guilt and shame about the divorce. Deep down, they think they’ve ruined their kids lives. And guilt and shame beget the permissive parent. 

 

So you’re probably wondering well great….what can I do about this? 

 

You can start by reminding yourself that the way your spouse parents isn’t about you – it’s about them and some unresolved emotions. Give yourself some grace here. 

 

And if you fill yourself up with grace, then you’re in the position to give some to your partner. And that’s where the chance for real intimacy and connection lies. Because what your partner most likely needs right now is some grace too. Grace for being human. Grace for trying their very best. Just like you. 

 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

The Case for Love

Woman smiling

I have a confession to make. 

 

I used to think that loving my stepkids was so hard. 

 

And I had (and hey, still have) a lot of good evidence for why loving them was so hard – 

 

They’re SUCH difficult kids. They have all kinds of developmental and mood challenges. They’re hopeless with chores. They’re always fighting. They’re so needy… 

 

But then I realized that NOT loving them was actually HURTING me.  

 

Withholding my love only created MORE distance between us and LESS joy.

 

And so I made a different decision. 

 

I decided to become the woman who loved her stepkids unconditionally. 

 

I made the case for loving them despite their shortcomings. 

 

Because ultimately, that’s basically what my stepkids did for me. 

 

They did not choose me. But they accepted me – exactly as I am.

 

And they’re my family. And I love my family no matter what. 

 

Because even when it’s hard…  

 

Love actually makes things better – I don’t sweat the small stuff. And I get to feel more connected to my stepkids. 

 

And I promise you, if I can do this with all 4 of my stepkids, I know you can too. 


 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.