Got drama with the other bio parent? You’re not alone…so many of us experience it.
But so many of us don’t know how to deal.
And I teach my clients a really simple way of managing it. You ready?
Let me introduce you to Tracy.
Tracy has two stepkids and a husband, Mike.
Mike’s ex-wife, Katrina, constantly calls him and texts him.
And this makes Tracy’s blood boil. She thinks Katrina isn’t respecting her relationship with Mike and that she’s trying to control him.
She wants Mike to stand up to Katrina – to lay his foot down and make her stop.
So she argues with Mike about Katrina…all the time.
But here’s what I told Tracy the other day:
No matter what Mike does, his ex will probably never stop. No one can control another adult human being. Katrina will probably keep being Katrina.
But what Tracy can control is whether she makes the ex’s behavior a problem for her marriage.
She can just decide that Katrina’s actions don’t mean anything about her relationship with Mike.
And in fact, the way Katrina behaves has everything to do with her own insecurities, and nothing to do with Tracy and Mike. (Because let’s be real: if someone is calling and texting all the time, they are really insecure).
So Tracy doesn’t have to keep arguing with Mike to make Katrina stop. Because Mike can’t do that.
But Tracy can decide Katrina is simply insecure, and her behavior isn’t a problem for her relationship. And then she can just focus on enjoying her time more with Mike, rather than arguing with him so much.
And when she does that, when she drops the arguments, she’ll get to experience a stronger, more connected marriage AND way less drama.
And what I told Tracy to do is available to all of us:
We can all decide to let go of the idea that we (or our spouses) can change the other bio parent.
We can all decide that the other bio parent’s behavior has nothing to do with us – no matter the behavior.
And that is how we can experience instant relief (and ultimately a stronger marriage). And it’s available to all of us right here. Right now.