I have an important message to share. You ready?
The other day I read about a fellow stepmom who had spent a lot of time grieving all of the firsts she had missed with her current husband – a first child, a first wedding, a first honeymoon, a first house purchase.
2nd wife grief is very common and it’s OK to grieve if she wants to.
But what no one ever told her is that it’s also always optional to grieve about all the firsts she had missed.
Her only issue here? She just might not have realized she had a choice about grieving in the first place.
Instead of focusing on what she doesn’t have (because she can’t change it), she could instead focus on what her and her husband do have as a couple and who she to her husband now:
Maybe the new house isn’t HIS first house, but it’s THEIR first house – and that’s special and amazing too.
Maybe she’s not his first wife, but she’s the only woman he loves now. And he loves her so much. (And maybe there’s nothing special about being the first woman at all because, hey, the first one didn’t work out 😉).
Grieving what she doesn’t have and can’t change in her marriage is always optional.
And if she wants to, she can just decide to focus on what is good and special in her life and marriage now, and drop the rest.