I’m not always nice to my stepkids. In fact, a few months ago, I was really mean to one of them.
I was feeling outraged by his behavior. And I took it out on him.
Immediately, I regretted it, and I shamed myself.
I told myself there was something wrong with me, that I was a terrible human being, unfit for my role as stepmom…
And then I remembered shame serves no purpose. Shaming yourself is like trying to ride a unicycle; except every time you fall off, instead of getting back up and trying again, you literally punch yourself in the face. Eventually you’ll quit trying because of all the self-inflicted pain.
And that’s what shame does. It’s toxic.
In order to stop shaming myself, I had to change what was going on in my head – stop believing that I was unfit and a terrible human.
So I gave myself permission to believe there was actually nothing wrong with me – because I am human. No human is perfect. I simply reacted to some strong emotions. And every single human says things they don’t mean – me included!
Doing this gave me such a sense of relief. It allowed me to apologize, learn from myself, and consider how to handle the situation differently in the future.
And here’s the best part: You can do this for yourself too. You don’t have to keep shaming yourself. You can remind yourself that you’re human and there’s nothing wrong with you. You make mistakes, just like the best of ‘em. And that’s OK.
P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.