This is a story about me messing up with my husband, and then how I fixed it – and built more emotional intimacy in the process.
So one day, I just blurted this out to my husband (in a slightly accusatory tone) –
“I want to know more about what was going on with you emotionally so *we* can feel more connected.”
**(note: not my most graceful moment by any means)**
See my husband doesn’t enjoy talking about emotions, but I thought I needed to change his mind.
As you can imagine, his initial response wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be.
He was resistant (and I get it – I wasn’t being my best self!)
The old me would have gotten defensive, and blamed him for not making any effort in our marriage.
But instead of shutting down, and unintentionally bolstering his case for why these conversations about feelings are no fun, I got genuinely curious with him.
So I took a deep breath and asked him where the resistance was coming from.
And he opened up. He felt safe enough to be vulnerable with me – because I wasn’t attacking him.
I listened to him, asked him more questions – just because I love getting to know my husband on a deeper level.
And what he shared only made me love him so much more. I reaffirmed the fact that he’s just a human, with his own demons to contend with. (We’ve all got ‘em folks!)
Being curious always saves the day – even though I don’t always get what I want.
Because in the end, I get to feel more connected to my husband – just because I get to know him on a deeper level.
And that’s what real intimacy and partnership is all about.