Why you feel like a wicked stepmom

Do you ever feel like a wicked stepmom? 

If you were just like: ” Yep! This is me!” You’re not alone. This is really common.

So let me tell you about my friend, and fellow stepmomma – C – who also used feel this way too.

When we first met, C told me she couldn’t stand her stepdaughter. 

And, on top of that, anytime C felt frustrated, annoyed, or angry with her stepdaughter, she would criticize herself for being a “wicked stepmom.” 

So whenever her stepdaughter came over, all this negative self-talk made C totally check out from her family.

What she didn’t realize though, is that because she disconnected from her family, she was also missing out on the chance to build more connected and loving bonds.  

And what she also didn’t understand is that all parents – regardless of whether they have biological kids or not – feel this way sometimes around the kids. 

Negative emotions are a normal part of parenting – and don’t make anyone a wicked stepmom.  

Just by judging herself for having negative emotions, C was missing out on the opportunities to build the authentic bonds she craved.

So I let her know that the easiest thing to do here is reset her expectations. 

It’s not normal to feel content, calm, and loving 100% of the time as a parent – parenting is 50% fun, 50% sh*t. 

It’s normal to feel annoyed, frustrated, and angry half the time. 

And once C stopped putting so much pressure on herself to feel good all the time as a stepmom, she was able to relax and connect more with her stepdaughter in the good moments.

And whenever she did get frustrated again, she’d just accept it as part of life. Part of the parenting experience. 

What’s beautiful about this is that C isn’t a magic unicorn. One subtle shift helped her stop feeling like a wicked stepmom, and allowed her to build a more loving relationship with her stepdaughter – even though her stepdaughter still throws tantrums and talks back regularly. 

And if C can do it, maybe you can too.