If you’re currently in marriage counseling, and you feel like it’s not working…
I’m here to tell you that you’re NOT crazy – and you don’t have to give up hope just yet.
But here’s the number one reason why marriage therapy often doesn’t work (hint: it’s NOT you):
The marriage counseling industry teaches us that we need our partners to change in order for each person to feel happy in the marriage.
In theory, this sounds beautiful: each partner changes to meet each other’s needs – all the time.
The problem is that this approach makes us too dependent on our partners for our own emotional fulfillment.
And the real truth is that the best person to meet your emotional needs is you, not your partner –
If you’ve never thought of your relationship this way, it’s NOT your fault.
Society – and hey the entire marriage therapy industry – got it wrong.
But think about it: you are the most reliable person in your life – you are always there for YOU.
In practice, and in my own marriage, rather than continuing to nag my husband to change, I decided to love my husband exactly the way he is and figured out how to give myself the appreciation I was craving.
So instead of continuing to nag him, I asked myself: what are all the ways my husband shows his appreciation for me, even if he doesn’t SAY it?
And, just by asking myself this question, I was able to open my eyes to his silent acts of love every single day –
When he loaded the dishwasher late at night, or made me coffee in the morning, or rearranged his work schedule to spend time with me –
I noticed it and reminded myself that this is how he shows his love and appreciation for me.
And over time, we stopped arguing so much.
I felt so much more peaceful and fulfilled at home.
Not because my husband changed.
But because I changed, and took responsibility for my emotional needs.
It feels so freeing to not depend on my husband – and it’s way more fun for our marriage too.
He feels safe and loved for who he is.
And so do I.
And hey, what’s possible for my marriage is possible for your marriage too.
All it takes is one small tweak in how you approach your relationship to enjoy more love, peace, and fulfillment at home.
