The 3 biggest mistakes this stepmom made (& how she fixed them!)

picture of woman smiling

I have to tell you about my client Keely. She’s a stepmom of one teenage daughter and a bio-mom too. 


And she’s a rock star.


Here are the 3 normal, human mistakes she was making at home before we met, and how she fixed them – 


Mistake #1: 

  • She was lashing out and reacting to her strong negative emotions like frustration, anger, and outrage. Her reactions started and escalated so many arguments at home.


Solution #1 and why it worked for her: 

  • I showed Keely her behavior was very normal simply because of how our minds are wired. And then I taught her a few simple mind-body techniques to instantly calm her brain and body down, and process her negative emotions. 

  • So, whenever something happened at home that Keely got upset about (like finding a vape pen in her stepdaughter’s room) – she’d pause, and notice how she was feeling.
    Then, she’d simply take some slow, deep breaths and remind herself: “I don’t need to react. I can process my emotions first, and then deal with the situation calmly and effectively.” 


Mistake #2: 

  • She felt like she couldn’t connect to her stepdaughter anymore because of a big fight they’d had, as well as her stepdaughter’s misbehavior at home. 


Solution #2 and why it worked for her: 

  • I taught her how to stop taking her stepdaughter’s behavior so personally, and show up as the supportive, and loving stepmom she wanted to be deep down no matter what – who still enforced healthy boundaries and consequences. 

  • Keely learned all about the psychology of her stepdaughter: why she was misbehaving and what it actually all meant so that it was super easy for Keely to stop taking things so personally.  

  • Then, she started normalizing her stepdaughter’s experience of the world – because hell, this is what all kids, and probably all adults want to hear: I get you. You make sense. I love you. This allowed her stepdaughter to open up more, and for Keely to feel more connected in turn. 

  • And now, when Keely addresses her stepdaughter’s misbehavior (re: vape pen above), she’s calm, supportive, and firm. She feels like their relationship is back to the place it was before she and her husband officially blended their families. 


Mistake #3: 

  • She used blame and demands in her arguments with her spouse.


Solution #3 and why it worked for her: 

  • I taught her the simple art and science of powerful and influential communication with a spouse or partner.

  • In conversations, she learned how to separate out the neutral, objective facts from her own opinions, and how to present them to her spouse in a way that lowered HIS defenses. 

  • She learned how to ask for his perspective too – rather than assuming bad intentions. And then I showed her how to shift the conversation to focus more on mutually agreeable solutions – rather than continuing to argue about the problem. She hasn’t had a blow-up with her spouse in months as a result. 


So just consider…


3 simple tweaks were all it took for Keely to stop arguing so much with her partner and to repair the bond with her stepdaughter – for good.  

And hey…what’s possible for her is possible for you too. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

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