The secret reason you feel so miserable at home

Upset woman

Let’s face it….sometimes being a stepmom can feel downright miserable! 

Especially when you have: 

😢  stepkids who ignore you and are disrespectful

😢  your spouse’s ex trying to sabotage your relationship with their kids

😢  a spouse who sides with their kids instead of you

 

And all of that 👆 is really hard! Of course it is!


Unfortunately, it’s all too common in a blended family situation. 

 

BUT real reason being a stepmom is so hard is because difficult stepkids, bio-parents, and spouses trigger our minds into a CHRONIC state of ‘fight or flight.’

 

You’ll know you’re suffering from this if:

👉 you feel super anxious before, and during your stepkids’ visits home

👉 your heart starts to pound in your chest whenever your partners’ ex calls

👉 you feel like you’re walking on eggshells at home

👉 your marital disputes turn really ugly, really fast

👉 you feel completely drained – physically and emotionally

👉 you’re having trouble concentrating at work

👉 you’re having trouble sleeping

👉 you’re using food or alcohol or retail therapy to deal with all of your anxiety

 

If you relate to ANYTHING on this list…there’s nothing wrong with you. 💕 

 

Your brain is simply in a chronic state of ‘fight or flight’ – and your mind isn’t rational in this state. Solving problems at home becomes impossible. 

 

✨ And the only REAL problem here is that no one has ever taught you how to OVERRIDE your natural fight or flight instinct.

 

So that you can calmly and confidently navigate the challenges you’re facing at home like the bada$$ wife and stepmom that you are.

 

And LEARNING how to override your fight or flight brain is simple – it just requires applying a few basic mind and body techniques. 

 

When you master these techniques you learn how to instantly go from: 

stressed out and anxious to…

calm and collected 💕

 

And when you’re feeling calmer, you: 

  • Don’t lash out at your spouse anymore 

  • Parent your difficult stepkids with way less battling, and more respect 

  • Stop worrying about the latest ridiculous thing the ex did or said

  • Manage your anxiety in healthy and productive ways

  • Stop overeating, or over drinking to numb out 

  • Stop hiding out in your room so much 

  • Have more energy to start working out again, or finally go for that promotion at work

 

And ultimately…. you get to enjoy a deeply fulfilling and passionate marriage to your best friend. 

 

{No matter how crazy your stepkids, or the ex is!}

 

The women who have done this – all of my amazing clients – are rockstars, but they are NOT superhuman. 

 

Anyone with a human brain can learn how to override their fight or flight instinct. 

 

And if they can learn to truly enjoy a more peaceful and happier home and marriage in a just few simple steps…

 

It’s 100% possible for you too. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

When stepping back is good for your marriage

woman in yellow sweater smiling

Do you ever wonder: will stepping back from parenting help my marriage? 

 

And the answer is…it truly depends! 

 

Sometimes stepping back from parenting can be GOOD for your marriage {and your sanity}.

 

Sometimes it doesn’t change a damn thing. 

 

So here’s how you know if stepping back will help: 

 

  • If you are in a situation where you WANT your stepkids’ behavior to change 

 

  • AND your partner either doesn’t care, or refuses to enforce the rules/ norms/ consequences…

 

Then stepping back from parenting can genuinely HELP your marriage. 

 

Here’s why: 

 

  • Your stepkids will always see bio-mom or dad as having the final say. If your partner is unwilling or unable to enforce the same rules, boundaries, and consequences that you want, your stepkids know they can just go to mommy or daddy to get out of it. This dynamic creates tension between you and your partner, and you and the kids. 

 

  • Your partner doesn’t get to experience the TRUE consequences of their parenting decisions (e.g. they never get to take Johnny to school after he’s been up all night on his tablet) and so they don’t truly understand why the rules are needed in the first place. This dynamic also creates a lot of tension between you and your partner. 

 

So all this means YOU will always be met with a significant amount of resistance – not just from your stepkids but also from your spouse too. 

 

When you have a partner who doesn’t want to enforce rules and consequences, AND you decide to step back, here’s what can happen: 

 

  • You fight way less with your spouse and stepkids 

  • You feel way less anxious at home 

 

And this is because you no longer feel like you have to control your stepkids’ behavior… and you’re no longer on your spouse’s case to fix it. 

 

And in some cases…

 

Your partner may soon come to realize that THEIR parenting needs to change – for their sanity, and for the sake of their kids. 

 

But they can’t do that as long as you’re picking up all the pieces from bio-mom or dad’s lack of rules, boundaries, and consequences. 

 

So in order to STEP BACK and genuinely transform your marriage for the better, you just get to remind yourself: 

 

  • How these kiddos turn out isn’t up to me – that’s on the bio-parents
     

  • I don’t have to control them to feel good in my own home – I’m good, and worthy no matter how they behave

 

Having a more peaceful, and loving home and family life is 100% available to you…it simply requires stepping back and letting go.

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.