Do you ever wonder: will stepping back from parenting help my marriage?
And the answer is…it truly depends!
Sometimes stepping back from parenting can be GOOD for your marriage {and your sanity}.
Sometimes it doesn’t change a damn thing.
So here’s how you know if stepping back will help:
If you are in a situation where you WANT your stepkids’ behavior to change
AND your partner either doesn’t care, or refuses to enforce the rules/ norms/ consequences…
Then stepping back from parenting can genuinely HELP your marriage.
Here’s why:
Your stepkids will always see bio-mom or dad as having the final say. If your partner is unwilling or unable to enforce the same rules, boundaries, and consequences that you want, your stepkids know they can just go to mommy or daddy to get out of it. This dynamic creates tension between you and your partner, and you and the kids.
Your partner doesn’t get to experience the TRUE consequences of their parenting decisions (e.g. they never get to take Johnny to school after he’s been up all night on his tablet) and so they don’t truly understand why the rules are needed in the first place. This dynamic also creates a lot of tension between you and your partner.
So all this means YOU will always be met with a significant amount of resistance – not just from your stepkids but also from your spouse too.
When you have a partner who doesn’t want to enforce rules and consequences, AND you decide to step back, here’s what can happen:
You fight way less with your spouse and stepkids
You feel way less anxious at home
And this is because you no longer feel like you have to control your stepkids’ behavior… and you’re no longer on your spouse’s case to fix it.
And in some cases…
Your partner may soon come to realize that THEIR parenting needs to change – for their sanity, and for the sake of their kids.
But they can’t do that as long as you’re picking up all the pieces from bio-mom or dad’s lack of rules, boundaries, and consequences.
So in order to STEP BACK and genuinely transform your marriage for the better, you just get to remind yourself:
How these kiddos turn out isn’t up to me – that’s on the bio-parents
I don’t have to control them to feel good in my own home – I’m good, and worthy no matter how they behave
