Picture this:
💖 You’re snuggling on the couch with your spouse while watching a movie. Your stepdaughter is snuggled up next to your spouse.
❌ But, when you get up from the couch to pee, you come back to find your stepdaughter and spouse sprawled out on the entire couch – no room for you.
👉 When you see what’s happened, you immediately feel:
– irritated
– jealous
– ashamed (because you think you shouldn’t feel jealous)
– left out
You worry her behavior is going to ruin your marriage.
Because this isn’t an isolated incident.
In that moment, you don’t know what to say because you don’t want to piss off your spouse, seem ‘irrational’, or hurt your stepdaugther’s feelings.
And, If this is happening at home, I want you to know, you’re not alone.
And there is nothing wrong with you.
👉 Your stepdaughter is probably suffering from mini-wife syndrome.
This can happen when:
👉 Mommy or daddy create a ‘peer-like’ relationship with their kids, and meet their kids every want and need, no matter the cost to themselves or their other relationships.
This often happens because mom or dad feel SO GUILTY over the divorce and the traumatic impact it may have had on their kids.
So they grossly overcompensate by not enforcing rules, boundaries, or consequences.
And voila!
Stepdaugther thinks it’s OK to take up your spot on the couch, and leave no room for you.
And spouse does nothing – they feel too guilty.
And it happens like this over and over again.
❌ So I know what you might be thinking –
Well obviously I need to fix my stepdaughter and spouse! They need to change! ❌
If only it were that easy, though.
👉 See the truth is, you feel so triggered {jealous} when this happens because your ANIMAL brain is sending off a red alert.
Even if you rationally KNOW your spouse loves you, and has NO romantic interest in their own kids…
Your animal brain doesn’t know that.
👉 So it makes you feel jealous because it thinks something is really wrong.
This is 100% normal.
👉 So the EASIEST and only permanent solution here is to simply learn how to calm down your animal brain, and help yourself feel better.
That might look like:
– taking a few deep breaths in through your nose, and out through your mouth
– reminding yourself: I feel jealous because of my animal brain. This is normal. I don’t need to react right now.
And if you practice this a few times, you’ll start to notice yourself feeling way calmer when your stepdaughter acts like a mini-wife.
And when you’re calmer, your rational brain is activated, and you can make more loving decisions for your relationships.
So, just imagine:
💖 Next time she sprawls out on the couch, you no longer feel so jealous and left out. You’re totally calm, and relaxed. You understand what’s really happening.
💖 And maybe you just calmly say: alright you too, make room for me now!
💖 Or maybe you tell yourself: I’ll just let them have their alone time. I’d like some too.
But no matter what, you don’t feel so crappy.
And your ‘mini-wife’ no longer puts a strain on your marriage – simply because her behavior no longer irritates you so much, and you no longer feel this deep urge to nag your spouse about it.
So even if you have a mini-wife at home, you don’t have to let it ruin your evening anymore, or put such a strain on your marriage.
💖 You can have the deeply passionate, loving, and fulfilling marriage you crave…
even if your mini-wife never ever changes. 💖
