Last week I told you that stepmoms in happy, lasting marriages (even with difficult people in the mix!) master 3 pillars.
Today I’m sharing the 2nd pillar – (the 3rd pillar will also be shared this week so stay tuned!)
Pillar number 2 guarantees a more loving, and passionate marriage for many years to come.
So here it goes –
Pillar 2: Feel loved and appreciated on command at home (overcome your brain’s negativity bias)
Our brains are wired to look for the BAD. This tendency was very helpful back in the day when we had to scan the savannah for potential predators.
But, this negativity bias is not helpful in our modern, blended marriages because we end up overemphasizing things like:
how our spouses are too permissive as parents and co-parents
how they rarely stand up for us in front of their kids
and how rude/ disrespectful the kids are
And we literally overlook all of the good things we already have going on for us (like how comforting it is to be settled down, instead of single and dating!)
To overcome this natural negativity bias in our own marriages, we simply decide to notice the good and practice genuine appreciation for all the times our spouse cooks, cleans, picks up the kids, and brings us our morning coffee.
Because when we stop focusing on what’s wrong, and not working, we’re able to bask in how loved and appreciated we already are.
For me, I simply started paying much more attention to how my spouse expressed his love with his actions, instead of constantly nagging him to tell me with his words.
I began dolling out genuine thank you’s like it was the most important job: thank you for doing the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping for the week, for helping me to parent.
And over time, I truly began to feel deeply loved, and appreciated – but not because my husband changed.
It was simply because I chose to notice what was already good.
And the crazy thing is that he also started thanking me too –
I finally got those words of appreciation I was craving, except the irony was I didn’t feel like I needed them anymore.
I already knew how much I was loved.
And because I was able to do this in my own marriage with such ease and success, I’ve also helped over 50 women do exactly the same in their marriages too with my simple, proven process.
And just like us, you too can feel deeply loved and appreciated in your marriage –
And it might just be way easier than you think.
