The kids come 1st: the ugly myth about being #2

We’ve all heard some version of this line before: 

“When you marry someone with kids from a previous relationship, their kids will always come first.” 

And yet…in our own relationships, we can’t accept this. 

If this is you, you’re not alone – and there’s a very good reason why.

It’s simply because the subtext of the “the kids come first” is: 

• We’re not important

• We’re not valued 

So of course it’s hard to accept that we’re not valued and we’re unimportant!


No one should even try to accept that. 

So instead of compassionately addressing our underlying fears of being unimportant, and undervalued we: 

• stay late at work. 

• hideout in our rooms. 

• make lots of plans to stay busy when our stepkids are home

But none of that makes our underlying fears go away.

And we miss out on what we really want – 

The chance to build real connections and genuinely feel loved and important at home. 

So how do we bust this myth about the kids coming first? 

We simply shift our perspective by asking ourselves this simple question: 

“Why am I already important to my spouse and stepkids, just as I am?” 

Maybe it’s because I always make sure my family enjoys healthy meals at home. 

Maybe its because my stepkid just randomly told me he loved me the other day. 

No matter the reasons, our unique contributions matter, and we’re important, just as we are. 

Sometimes, we all just need a little reminder of why that’s true. 

And a simple shift in perspective can be all it takes to start feeling like a valued, important member of the family…

Who genuinely wants to spend time with her stepkids.

And who ultimately enjoys so much more peaceful and loving relationships at home.