The permanent, fool-proof marriage solution for stepmoms

happy couple smiling

If you’re in the midst of a sudden or ongoing marital challenge, you’re not alone. 


{In fact you may even be Kristin – what stepmom isn’t!!??} 


But I have good news: 


It’s possible there is ONE simple tweak that you can make today to create more sustainable peace and happiness in your marriage. 


I’m thinking about one woman in particular who’s an excellent example of this – 


When this person first came to me, she wanted more boundaries with the ex, and more structure in her home during her husband’s custodial time –

And she and her husband fought about this all the time.  


She was feeling anxious, guilty, and incredibly stressed – to the point where she was having a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. 


And the first thing that I let her know was this: 


It’s not that you’re wrong for wanting more boundaries and wanting more parenting structure. 


But, at the same time, the WAY you’re doing it isn’t working – it’s just causing more arguments. 


And ultimately, we cannot control your husband. 


So what if there’s a way for you to feel happier, and more at peace, and argue way less with your husband –

regardless of whether or not he meets your expectations? 


She was game. 


And after a little gentle exploration, we uncovered that she was taking her husband’s choices really personally – 


Any time he wouldn’t set a boundary with his ex, or would be reluctant to enforce certain rules with his daughter – my client started spiraling with thoughts like this: 


“Well, he does this because he doesn’t care about me!” 


And this line of thinking was actually the root cause of all their arguing at home, as well as her emotional distress. 


So I offered her this simple idea: it’s possible he’s not trying to intentionally hurt you here. 


So whenever her husband didn’t enforce a rule or boundary at home, like so many men {eh hem…Disneyland dads} in his shoes… he was simply overcome with guilt or insecurities from the separation and divorce.



And with that, every time my client’s husband didn’t enforce a rule or boundary, my client practiced:

  • taking some slow deep breaths, and 

  • simply reminding herself that her husband’s decisions are about him, and his own guilt, and fears, and not actually a reflection of how he feels towards her. 


And over time, she started to feel way more relaxed – the anxiety and stress that plagued her days and robbed her of sleep, dissipated. 


And their fights decreased significantly – simply because she knew deep down that her husband loved HER – even if he didn’t always meet her expectations on rules and boundaries. 


So they could talk about things calmly, or not – and regardless, my client no longer believed her happiness or their love for one another depended on her husband changing. 


And guess what: I don’t know that her husband EVER changed his ways. 


But she felt more content, and calmer as a stepmom, mom, and wife.


And…even months later, the work we did together still has a significant, and powerful influence on her marriage, and overall happiness and sense of peace at home – 


She wrote to me recently and said that her husband was feeling crushed and rejected by something his daughters did and was sulking around the house all weekend. 


And my client – because she’s a human – immediately felt rejected too – 


But then, just like countless times in the past, she remembered her tools: 


She remembered that her husband’s sulking was about HIM and his own insecurities with his daughters, and not about HER or their love. 


And from that empowered place, she chose to be supportive and comfort her husband – instead of starting a fight about why he needed to stop sulking.


And she focused on making her weekend fun – no matter what. 


Simply deciding to depersonalize her husband’s behavior has created sustainable peace and happiness in her marriage. 


And if this stepmom and bio-mom, me, and countless other women I’ve helped can use this one simple tweak to permanently, and positively shift our marriages…


 It’s 100% possible you can too. 

P.S. Want to know more? I created a free training to help you create better relationships with your stepkids and spouse. It's really good. Click the button below to watch.

Recommended Posts