The real reason you can’t stop arguing
If you want to stop arguing with your spouse, I can help you.
So many of us think the reason we argue with our partners is because of our stepkids, or how our spouses parent them.
Our stepdaughter always talks back, and we’re tired of feeling disrespected.
Our stepkids struggle with their chores and we want more support from our spouses to enforce the rules.
But what our stepkids or spouses do isn’t the real reason why we argue.
It is possible to discuss our issues calmly, and compromise or at the very least, agree to disagree.
The REAL reason we can’t stop arguing is that we react to strong, negative emotions instead of allowing our emotions to be there.
We get angry or frustrated, and we lash out with our partners.
No one has ever taught us how to stop reacting and allow our feelings instead.
Allowing means we stop doing these things:
Pushing down our feelings until we explode
Avoiding our feelings by scrolling through social media, numbing out with food or alcohol, or hiding in our rooms
Reacting by yelling, or saying things we later regret.
Allowing means we instead:
Understand our emotions are harmless – they are just simple chemical-hormonal processes that make us feel a tightness in our chest or churning in our gut
Let the uncomfortable tightness or churning just be there in our bodies
Take some slow deep breaths